Step Into My Shoes

Allow me to take the liberty of saying that the embouchure of the Oboe player is probably the most difficult and painful embouchure of most instruments. Perhaps it is the French Horn. I don't particularly know, but I do know that playing the oboe is more difficult than the flute, clarinet, saxophone, and most brass instruments. I can absolutely assure you that playing the oboe takes more effort than playing percussion (no offense, but I'm being honest). And I'm pretty sure it is more physically exerting than playing a string instrument. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm taking a lot of liberties here.

Even if it were more difficult to play, say, the cello, someone who plays the cello has no right to criticize someone who plays a wind instrument. PERIOD. END OF STORY. Yes?

There's this person who plays the cello, in case you didn't figure that out. I play the oboe. My school does this symphonic orchestra where a few of the wind and brass players join in with the orchestra to play a few selections during out winter concert. This cello player feels the need to talk about the band members as if we are all inadequate. And sure, he's a pretty awesome cellist. Oh, he knows it. EVERYONE knows it. And he makes sure. But everyone is offended.

Beyond offended. Especially me.

Well, not exactly especially me. But I like to voice my anger. I don't hold it in.

That's why I left the school screaming "I'M IN A RAGE" with my best friend.

In conclusion, arrogant assholes make me mad. The end.

I'm just saying.

Cheaters Never Prosper

Or do they? You know, if a cheater is never caught, who can he hurt? Oh, let's see... everyone in the class who ranks below him. That could be one scholarship someone doesn't get. That could be one college that turns someone down. That could be one person who was going to be in the top ten, but just misses it. That could be a curve set that only benefits one person: that cheater.

Merriam Webster's definition of "cheat:"
1. To deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud.
2. To influence or lead by deceit, trick, or artifice.

"Let's face it, most people who rank that high cheat." So said one of my friends today. I suppose he's right. I just like to think highly of those people I call my friends. I have never cheated on a test. I share answers on homework and thoughts on issues with my friends, yeah. We explain the answers and teach each other.

I am angry at people who cheat--that they get away with it, hurt others who actually put in the effort...

Yes, there is a story behind this. I recently found out that a kid in my one of my A.P. classes cheated on the semester exam. You'd think he wouldn't have missed any, right? Nah, he missed 5. I, on the other hand, only missed 2. He asked me today, "Why couldn't you have missed more?" I replied, "Maybe because I actually studied." My teacher (who is pretty awesome) piped in and said "Why couldn't you have missed less?" See, I wasn't in a hurry to look up the answers from the packets we did. I had the answers in my head. You know?

I suppose he'll get what's coming at him eventually.

I'm just saying.

Anger Management

There are always those people you just can't stay mad at. My brother is one of those people. I wish I could stay mad at him because I could get it out of my system, but, alas, he has that stupid, chubby face that looks like a puppy. You just can't stay mad.

Then there's "Faye." I get mad at her very easily, and it's easy to stay mad. She gives me so many reasons to be ticked off. She's inappropriate. She knows no boundaries. She does not have the blessed face of my brother. She can't even make me laugh--except at her stupid decisions. Why am I friends with her? I feel bad for her. But pity can only take friendship so far. And anger overrules pity after a while.

I hate what she tells me.

Yeah, her life has been crappy. Her mom has supposedly punished her for a relationship she doesn't even have. In fact, I don't know what happens at her house. She might be making it up for all I know.

That's what I hate.

I hate not knowing whether to truly feel pity or to forget this drama I've inadvertently become involved in.

When Faye likes a guy, she really likes him. So much to the point that I think she creates this imaginary relationship in her head that is just, well, unhealthy. I mean, I like guys as much as the next straight high school girl, but I am fully aware of when I am single and when I am in a relationship. There's a clearly defined line. I'd like to point out that in order to be in a relationship, one must ask or be asked. You can never assume. And just because he says things that she takes as flirting, he could be messing with her, as guys have done before.

She asks me my opinion.
I tell her.

Does she listen? Heck no!
Should she listen? Um, yeah.

I've observed the mistakes she has repeatedly made. I've given her the advice that I think would work best in her situation. Yet she never takes that advice she must once again touch the proverbial electric fence one more time just to make sure it still shocks her. Oh, and it does. Every time.

Then she comes back, heartbroken, saying I was right. Oh how I bask in that moment. "Me? Right? That never happens!" I say. And she does not appreciate the sarcasm.

Why is she so easy to be mad at and so difficult to forgive?

I wish I felt bad enough to continue being her friend, but I can't stand being pitied. I don't see why anyone would want a friendship based only on pity.

I'm just saying.

Boys and Girls

In high school, there are several different types of boy-girl relationships:

Just Friends--Believe it or not, it's possible. Boys and girls can be friends without dating! In fact, they probably have the most coveted relationship of all. They don't have to worry about looking good or saying "I love you." They're basically like brother and sister... in a less awkward way.

Friends with Benefits--This does not necessarily mean that the two people are "friends." More likely, it means, "I'm horny, so let's have sex whenever we feel like it with no attachments." Not to judge here, but most people involved in the relationship are labeled as "whores/sluts" or "players/ bros." I'm not the one labeling. I just listen.

The "I love you, but not really" relationship--it seems that they have a great relationship. They love each other. It's been three days. Total span of the relationship? Maybe two months. It's what most high school relationships turn out to be. This is why girls end up having twelve different boyfriends in high school.

The Legit Relationship--There are very few. These people are mature. By mature, I mean that these people can hold down a relationship with discussion and compromise. They're compatible. They didn't say "ily!" or "I luv mah baby!" or anything like "The L word" too soon into the relationship.

It's probably difficult to believe that I'm sixteen and have never had a boyfriend. Never been kissed, in fact. Am I bitter? Yeah, just a little. It's a bit offensive when people are so shocked, or worse, not shocked. It could be because I'm ugly. Or because I'm opinionated. Or I'm intimidating. Or independent. But I'm not stupid. And I'm not inadequate. And, yes, I get crushes. I have guy friends. I have plenty of friend. But I don't put out. Maybe that's the problem.

I imagine myself ending up like Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed, finally finding that perfect guy and kissing at sunset and whatnot. Just kidding. I don't have such foolish, frivolous fantasies. I'm no pansy.

That's a lie.

I am a bit of a pansy. I do make wishes (but not on airplanes-- that's annoying). I'm not brave. I'm not so independent to the point that I don't care. But I can pretend I am.

I'm afraid to be lonely, but I want a meaningful relationship.

I'm just saying.

Grinding at School Dances

Last night was homecoming at my school, you see. I didn't have a date. (On a side note of that, my oh-so-caring friends decided to try to convince my best guy friend to ask me. Awkward-ness ensued.) I had to suffer through the scarring images of seeing people grind. I'm talking girl-butt to boy-genitals. Gross, right? I mean, I would at least want to look at the person I'm dancing with. There are several reasons I'm opposed to the grinding.

The attitude of those "grinders" (at least a majority of them) is arrogant. At least those that I've encountered. Excuse me for not wanting to look at you get groped by your not-boyfriend. Excuse me for not wanting to see your panties. Excuse me for having values. But please allow me to enjoy the dance in the way that I want. I didn't shove you out of the grinding pit for being disgusting, so why did you push and say "keep moving" when I just wanted to dance? Ok, I'll admit, I wanted to annoy people a little because I don't care what they think, but come on! Way to be a jerk. I bet your mom is proud.

Tell me you have some self-respect. Tell me you don't want to feel and look like a slut. There are several (maybe three) girls who were grinding with their dates who I truly respect, but I was honestly shocked. I still am! It may be my naivety speaking, but I would feel as if I were sacrificing my virtue if I were dry-humping a guy, as much as I might like him. Not to mention the fact it's like one big, giant, freakin' orgy there! No one cares who they're dancing with, just so long as there a butt rubbing against him. *shudders*

And then there are the couples who even the "grinders" want to tell to get a room! You know that's bad. They're the ones who are all-out making out, fingering each other, and the guy has his hand up the girl's dress. It gets that bad. Yet none of the administrators do anything to enforce their threats.

Now let's get to the lights. My school happened to leave the back half of the gym's lights on in order to discourage inappropriate dancing. Did discourage anything? Of course not! It just ticked everyone off even more. If the administration is going to threaten the students, please go through with it and kick people out. Don't make half attempts that tick off both grinders and non-grinders alike.

I would like for you to tell me. What's so appealing about grinding, to you? I'll listen, I promise. Well, I'll read anyway. To a girl, how do you not find it degrading and offensive? How do you find it enjoyable? And if you're a guy, let me know as well. Although I suppose I can guess how it satisfies you. I just agree more with the adult generation right now. I don't understand my peers and their dancing.

I'm just saying.